Let’s Reduce Bandwidth and Read More!

The Wesleyan Student Assembly seems to have no idea of what to do with its enormous surplus, and so its leaders have offered the money to the administration for co-curricular programs. Starting immediately, the funds from the Student Activity Fund will be devoted to buying texts for book clubs, and we will organize weekend discussion sessions in all the residence halls. I am happy to announce that the Greek Societies have stepped forward to create special late night book clubs on memoir, autobiography and quest narratives.

In order to encourage more reading at Wesleyan, I have directed Technology Services to cut the bandwidth to the university by 66%. Many students have complained about the slow internet speeds at Wesleyan because they want to watch videos and other forms of popular entertainment. Grow up! We are an educational institution! I have decided to cut the wireless to all dorms after 10 pm, and we will reduce the pipeline to the internet.

Students are encouraged to send their ideas for reading groups to their WSA representatives. Close your computers and unite around books, you have nothing to lose but your chains.


6 thoughts on “Let’s Reduce Bandwidth and Read More!”

  1. funny guy – lol “quest narratives”
    hey, Rutgers just gave Snooki 32K to speak – no joke…in light of that, book clubs aren’t such a bad idea…

  2. Wait wait wait this is B.S. We at Wesleyan definitely read enough. I am already in the library at least 2 or 3 nights a week reading or talking to people who are trying to read. President Roth can’t just do this. The internet is used for more than just ‘entertainment’ videos. Roth cutting the internet is worse than the Rebuplicans cutting planned parenthood funding. (I am in two (2) videos about that by the way).

  3. I think students should focus on the date of this blog. It is April 1,2011. Happy April Fools day. Although reading more for pleasure and sharing your joy of reading isn’t a bad idea.

  4. Ha ha!!! At first I was enraged, because one of the issues I strongly advocate for on campus is the expansion of bandwidth. But then I took a closer look. The language of the post and the situation seemed odd. What finally did it for me was a good look at the post date. April 1 is something of a minor holiday in the United States known as April Fool’s Day! Indeed, it looks like I’ve been made out to be something of an “April Fool” myself, as it were. I sure am glad that I’ll be able to have my allocated share of bandwidth for the rest of my time at Wesleyan. But maybe I will consider picking up a book slightly more often in the future. Thanks, President Roth!

  5. the thing is, when i first starting reading this i was actually really happy, because i kind of agree with everything said here. obviously it’s april fools, and obviously we shouldn’t cut bandwidth by half, but i wish there were more book clubs and i wish people didn’t so much time doing stupid stuff on the internet.
    by the way, in regards to the post above, “as it were”? who SAYS that?

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